The next visitors arrive in a couple of days, Rachael and Kevin are more like family than visitors but this time coming with daughter Beth and grandsons, Connor aged seven and Xander aged two. Preparations for their arrival are now in full swing and actually started a couple of days ago with the usual random thoughts of menu planning and more importantly the needs of the children. this thought required a mental trip around the house to identify potential hazards. We have many safeguards in place in this house which range from insisting visitors use the lights on the stairs when going up and down as the steep Spanish uneven staircase has claimed many victims over the years, some clutching bottles of red wine ( we had to repaint the walls white ) and others who thought I was joking about needing light and tried to get from top to bottom in the dark and still bear the scars, to persuading visitors to wear something on their feet at all times thus avoiding being bitten or stung by the wildlife around here or impaled by seeds resembling the floating mines in the last war with vicious spikes which embed themselves into your soles, or plants whose very survival depends on attacking the unwary at every turn.

Most safeguards in place here involve the preservation of either us or our belongings. In the early days we climbed over roofs, up ladders, up trees and dug holes in the ground to prevent flooding. the threat to possessions was more likely to be from rodents, from wood rats to field mice who inhabited our roofs which were constructed of bamboo covered with cement and the curved Spanish roof tiles. Over the years many tons of dried grass and straw and copious quantities of nutshells found their way up under the tiles for bedding and comfort. The rodents helped themselves to the bountiful supply of fruit and nuts growing in our garden and thrived. Many beady eyes watched from the roof tops when we moved into their space previously unoccupied apart from the odd visit from the Spanish weekenders and they regularly hurled nutshells at us as we sat in our courtyard in the sunshine enjoying our first days here in Spain. ( The mice not the Spanish weekenders ) the mice watched as we moved our possessions in box by box and when I got up early one morning and wandered into the garage wearing a fluffy purple dressing gown and clutching a mug of tea, I found a small band of them sifting inquisitively though our boxes stacked neatly there. Caught in the act the mice froze on the spot, clearly not used to seeing an English person much less one dressed as I was. We didn't want to get everything chewed so we bought a rodent repeller......not a cat but a box that worked on a battery and emitted a sound rodents could not stand. only two problems there..... I could hear the sound it gave out and it was annoying to say the least, and I spotted a small mouse with large ears sitting eating from a nutshell on top of the box !!! oblivious to the noise it seemed only I could hear. I took its photo determined to send it to the manufacturers to point out the error of their product.

As we travelled less we acquired cats! the cats thrived and the rodents retreated to the roof which in the end almost collapsed probably under the weight of the straw and nutshells and rotting timber beams and had to be taken down and replaced. The mice went back to the country and now a new problem presented itself... instead of rodents chewing and scratching, we had cats, many cats, chewing and scratching. today everything precious is kept under lock and key. However, cat proof is not child proof and so we planned .....

There is a stair gate which was hastily put in place when the first children came to visit some years back, mal went to the airport to fetch his daughter and family and I noticed the lack of gate at the top of the stairs. by the time they returned I had constructed and fitted a gate. shortly after we moved here we fitted safety rails around the patio, walkways and pools although they were also to prevent us wandering over the edges whilst admiring the views. We have no fire guard so that's a worry but we do have however a travel cot to use for the little one. We bought that some years ago and kept it for use when required. I thought I remembered where it was but I couldn't find it. we searched all the rooms, stores, garage, bedrooms and workshops and the studio but it remained hidden. Now followed increasingly frantic search of every square inch of the property determined to find it. Marcus & Tom, who should have been relaxing and enjoying their relaxing stay with us were then given a quest to find the missing cot which they enthusiastically accepted even though our house resembles a Tardis full of rooms, full of many things. we are not minimalists!! the search already undertaken by Mal and myself to no avail was now taken up by fresh eyes. Marcus was systematically increasing the chances of finding it by looking thoroughly instead of frantically. The store room used to store everything needed once in a blue moon was being relocated to the garage, piece by piece. Marcus and Mal at last cleared enough space to search properly and at last, success, the cot is found exactly where we left it although lurking behind two other boxes. I swear it had been invisible up to that point.

With great relief the missing cot is transferred up to the guest bedrooms. I do at this point have a small nagging doubt that we have never managed to put it together except unintentionally, which is a bit like setting up a deck chair..... you try every possible way and eventually after thoughts turn to how much firewood it would turn into and possibly how sitting on a cushion would be so much more appealing, it just goes together in a one off never to be repeated action leaving you none the wiser as to how it actually works. The travel cot falls into that bracket. I ask Marcus and Tom to figure out how to set it up but time runs out as we are having way too much fun to fit in the cot construction and they are on a plane halfway back to England when we eventually get to the stage of thinking about constructing it. I eye the box suspiciously and find other things to do first. All the bedding and towels have by now been washed and dried and the rooms cleaned. we can't put it off any longer. Mal opens the box and assembles the cot except, just as I remember from all those years ago the top rails refuse to lock.!!! the instructions are all in Spanish and the only English printed near the top rails gives instructions on putting the cot away not putting it up. 'Push here to collapse !!' it helpfully suggests in English but not a word about putting it up. Mal has no idea how he got the long sides to lock so no help there. we pull, twist and heave the sides. It refuses to lock. I get crosser by the minute and it is in serious danger of becoming the country's first flying cot sailing merrily over every safety rail we posses with my newly acquired superpowers focusing on sending it to a galaxy far far away, shame those super powers don't extend to actually assembling it so it can be used. Mal spread-eagles himself in front of the feeble cot to protect it from the demonic threat which is about to destroy it. Me.....I lunge at it with my boot and kick it and then retreat downstairs to calm down.

An idea crosses my mind.... for the last couple of weeks every time I have a question the tech team who are usually following me several paces behind, presumably so I will walk into any obstacles first while they concentrate on any question I throw at them. Questions like what is 6ft 3inches in metric to.... can you please translate beetroot into Spanish. We do not have Alexa or google but a far more useful Marcus and Tom. I found myself saying, what would they do? Capture the cot, give it a power up and turn it into a grand piano perhaps?? in a flash of inspiration I reach for the phone and google the question......well, surprise surprise, there is a Youtube demo on how to put it up. Clearly the world is full of people, probably grandparents, asking the same question. I watch the video and discover the answer is so simple I could have left it to the children to assemble when they arrive. Pull up the centre of the base and lock the sides before pushing it back down again, now who would have thought of that ??