Christmas is well and truly over and the games packed away till next year. The invalid is recovering slowly from his hernia op. Bedridden mode is relatively easy to cope with as it requires only a steady stream of food and drink delivering and help where required. The next stage is sitting in an armchair reading a book or watching TV. This is also okay, the instructions are simple, ask if you need something, don’t keep apologising for bothering me as is am “so busy” just ask and don’t undo the surgeons good work, I really don’t mind helping you. 

His journey back to mobility should start with a little physiotherapy.......such as washing up perhaps, but sadly no bringing in logs for the fire seemed to be a good place to start........when challenged he said, “ but they are only small ones “ “yes” said I, “but you are carrying six of them in one go !!!!” 

Three weeks after surgery visitors arrive so the invalid mode changes slightly from apologising to me to apologising to everyone for being unable to help much. His organisation skills however remain on top form. A journey to the ruin to supervise Marcus and Tom bringing in logs ( heaven help us they should pick the wrong ones) with the instructions, “tell us which ones and we will take them” was followed by Mal picking up the first log and giving it to the boys to carry, he only picked up one before he was stopped. Also a request to move the car as he needs to get past with the wheel barrow with logs?!? Actually he just wants to point out my car is parked 3 inches further to the left than it should be and I won’t even mention the fact that he shouldn’t be moving logs yet let alone a wheelbarrow full of them. We leave the car where it is and move the logs for him, something he doesn’t notice for a couple of days.

In case you are wondering I haven’t forgotten the fridge, no one will ever forget the fridge.......

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....... Mal wants to go out, up until now trips out have been only for docs appointments or medical emergencies, my driving is not to his high standard, after 50 plus years driving, reversing can clearly only be attempted with Mal standing behind the car waving, ( note to self, add table tennis bats in luminous orange to assist him. ) also he needs full access to all mirrors when we are out so he can check the coast is clear. Helpful comments about the speed I am travelling at or my use of indicators is an added highlight. He is a very reluctant passenger. 

We took him with us, (sounds like when you decide to take the cat with you for an outing, usually only because it’s necessary as the cat squawks and complains for the whole journey)  Hey ho...... if it wasn’t for his long legs, the boot would indeed be a good option. Actually one of those taxi’s with a soundproof screen might work, failing that, several rolls of duck tape.

Well anyway, I have a few things to to, one of them being to drop in at the post office with letters to be posted. We set off, get to Petrer and suddenly from the passenger seat comes a voice, “ 

Turn left here, it’s the way to the car park, oh my God, you are going to miss it......” the voice is now raised and getting more agitated by the minute...... he continues, (the squawking cat comes to mind and I can’t get a word in edgewise.). “Oh my God you’ve missed the turn, now you will have to go the long way round.” I manage to get a word in while he draws breath.....perhaps his last? I tell him I am going to the farmacia first before the post office. He said didn’t know that.... 

I park the car outside the farmacia and tell him that A) I am driving and that means I have a plan of where I am going. B) that is the last time I will accept him as a passenger unless it’s a necessary trip to the docs or even the vets, still thinking of the unwilling cat that is potentially still complaining in the boot, ( damn, that’s the sarcasm control new year resolution out of the window )

Mal protested I hadn’t told him where I was going, I pointed out I didn’t think it was necessary to provide an itinerary for the journey giving him the ammunition to point out that either where I was going was wrong or trying to rearrange everything. The giggling from the back seat where Tom and Marcus were was all that broke the silence that descended on the car as the journey continued.

Once visits have been planned, Mal finds little jobs he wants visitors to do. Like a Jack Russel he does not forget what he’s planned. His short term memory is a bit of a problem but that’s sort of selective. A bit like his hearing, can’t hear anything that’s being said but if I am speaking on messenger hears every word.

Out of the blue he announces there is a fridge in Chook Palace that is not working and would Tom and Marcus mind carrying it up to the trailer to be taken to the tip. “I’m using it” I tell him, the selective hearing comes into play and he continues, “I won’t be able to lift it for ages and I want it moved so it would be a big help” 

I have been looking after all the birds since Mal’s operation. In that time I have made changes to streamline the operation, including putting all the stuff that normally is stacked on every surface, into the now defunct fridge. It stopped working at the end of November but makes a wonderful cupboard, impervious to dust, damp or inquisitive chickens. 

I tell Mal once again it is in use so no need to move it. He repeats that it doesn’t work so must go...... perhaps sacrificing the fridge will appease the Gods ? I am not clear why it must go so I ask, he tells me he is putting in a new work surface so he can prepare their food and the fridge is in the way, I point out that food prep is not his strong point so I for ages have been cutting the lettuce in the kitchen without the aid off a chicken on each side of me trying to pinch the leaves before I can prepare it. 

The response is, “well I might need to prepare lettuce so need a work surface” the fridge goes......

The use of old fridges as storage is not a new idea here and we have many around the premises. Also we have some that really need to be taken to the tip, why not sacrifice one of those? Surely the Gods are not picky and would accept any fridge, just not the one I am using.

A few days go by, time ticks away and it’s the day before Tom and Marcus go home.

“Can we move the fridge please,” “it’s full of things” Marcus tells Mal, “No, it’s empty, “says Mal. Here insert a quick round of, oh no it’s not, and oh yes it is, after all it is pantomime season

 “How are we going to play this?” I whisper to the boys. 

“We will all go down and look” I say. We all reassemble in Chook Palace and the boys go outside to talk to the chickens, good plan. Mal starts unplugging the fridge, “actually that plug is the other fridge which is working” darn it that smacks of sarcasm..... I am unstoppable. 

“Why do you need this gone” I ask for the umpteenth time. The la la land mode is instantly switched on in his brain. The one that when he hears something he doesn’t want to hear plays la la la instead of hearing actual words. “It doesn’t work, it’s empty it has no use” he replies. He opens the fridge door with a triumphant gesture to show me it contains nothing. He peers inside, it’s full........... silence.........it’s full of all the rolls of plastic bags, cutlery for food prep scoops trays, gloves, towels etc all neatly laid out, every shelf full ! 

The sacrificial fridge breaths a sigh of relief.

There’s an old fridge out the back of the garage that can be used for sacrifice if needs be I mutter. The Gods of cold lettuce could be appeased without pinching my storage cupboard.

“Okay,” he says, defeated, “ it can stay for now, we will have to move it later............”

Jack Russell  mode comes into play, he will not forget, just rethink and re group.